Some highlights from the past few months.

• Mom came back from a 1 month long trip to Korea.
• My 1 year anniversary (5/12) at Univar - without a raise and a laughable bonus.
• EJ still in the same daycare after a  year, and he still loves it.
• Attended weddings, and lots of kiddie birthday parties.
• Still playing board games every week.  Flavor of the season seems to be Agricola.  I still hate it.
• Perfected my fro-yo recipe - secret is to never add guar or xanthum gum.
• Finally finished my favorite vampire series Twilight; can't wait for the 2nd movie.
• Took a short 4 day vacation to San Diego: Lego Land, zoo, and Seaworld and the kids loved it.
• A nice visit from Nancy, Mike and Ian.
• Going up to (my nemesis) Rattlesnake Ridge for a quick hike Sat. I will not let you beat me up this time!
• Planning out projects around the house like: adding blinds to the living/dining rooms; repainting colby's bedroom; refurnishing elliott's bedroom with a big boy bed and dresser - what else....?
• Enjoying the warm summer-like days with a nice cold drink and hot food off the grill.  O's got the grilling down to a perfection now. 

First of all:

Happy New Year

Sae-Hae Bok Mah Nee Bah Deu Sae Yo

Joyeux Noel (oops! wrong holiday *_^)

OK my boy Elliott FINALLY is potty trained! WOohOo!  This took only about 8 months, since we formally tried to get him started at 2.5 yrs old (ha!).  I think the thing that got him to finally take the leap into his boyhood was to keep him in underwear (or panty as he calls it) all day.  We decided one week, to just send him to school without his Pampers Pull-Ups on.  The teachers asked him to go to the toilet every 2-3 hours, which helped him stay dry.  And I think being around other kids that use the toilet at school really helps too.  He hasn't had any major accidents, except while he's peeing, he'll get distracted by another kid and will swing around to look before he's actually done.  You can imagine the mess that creates! 

The #2 part was a little more challenging for us and him. He refused to go in the toilet.  Instead he would just go in his undies and then just continue to play and run around like nothing happened (tres gross!).  We've gone through many pairs of new undies cuz of this.  So a couple of Saturdays ago, we took off his pants/underwear cuz he showed signs of having to go.  While I fell asleep watching him play in his room, he went and donned a new pair of undies he found in his dresser, and went #2 right there!  Dad found him upstairs sittin' around and playing with his toys looking like Donald Duck with his tail sticking out.  You can imagine O was NOT happy to see this.  After a very stern warning from O, he then never went in his underwear again.   Only if we had known sooner that that was all it took to get him to go in the toilet .... I don't care HOW we got him trained, I'm just so over joyed that we are finally there!!  The fun part about this story is, we get to do it all over again for Colby in a year! LOL.

Now that Colby is walking (@ 14 months he took his first step), I am sad to see my kids growing up so fast.  On one hand I want them to do things for themselves like dressing, feeding, butt wiping..  but on the other I really miss when they could not walk or talk.  I better enjoy this stage as much as possible. 

So here are some things we've been up to:

1. New game: Agricola

2. Oldies but goldies: Settlers of Catan, Ticket to Ride, and Tichu

3. Twilight the book

4. Still love my job, and will soon be taking SharePoint Admin classes in Feb for work

5. Still very worried and anxious about the economy and hoping things will get better soon

6. Disney Playhouse on Superbowl Sunday (Sorry O!) 

7. My dad started a new chemo called Vectibix.  This would be #6 for those of you who are keeping count.  The last chemo cocktail he was on, Erbitux + Avastin was not working. Latest scans show some tumor growth in new places. He felt so awful last week, we brought him in to get blood work done.  He was extremely anemic, and had to get a blood transfusion.  The doc prescribed oral steroids to jump-start his appetite as well. We're still hoping/praying/wishing for things to change.  He's not giving up, so we aren't either.   

My last night here in Maryland, and the late evening silence in this house allows me to reflect on mama and papa Jen.  I believe they are both happily reunited again, and proud of Oliver and Jenny. Makes me sad that they won't be able to watch their grandkids grow up, but I know they will always be in their hearts and watching over them.

After we arrived on Monday, we were frantically trying to put together the memorial service while chasing around 4 toddlers at the same time.  So many of papa Jen's friends helped out, just as they did while he was laying there til the end.  We would not have been able to do it all without them.  In the end, we survived the chaotic week, and the service was a great way to celebrate my father in law's awesomeness while hearing some touching stories from his friends for the first time.

With O's permission, I posted his eulogy for all of our friends who were not able to be at the service in person.  He worked day and night to get this written (over 3 days), because the kids and I kept disturbing him everytime he sat down to write (which is partially true).  He gracefully describes his life and how much we all miss him.

A Eulogy to Dr Chian-Li Jen:

Thank you all so much for coming today, I know many of you were also here for my mom last year.  Some of you may actually remember when my dad spoke then, he said that if my mom saw everyone in attendance, she would be worried about inconveniencing everyone and she would say something like, "Let’s everyone all go out together for a nice dinner, my treat!"

I think that if my mom and dad are watching us now, my dad would be pointing to all of you saying something to my mom like, "Wow!  I-Fan, look at all these people here; everyone must think I’m a pretty terrific guy!"

I’ve always thought my parents were an interesting couple because they were so different from each other.  Like how my mom’s natural reaction would be thinking about how to show her gratitude and thanking everyone; and my dad’s first reaction would be seeing things in a way that made him feel lucky or good about his life.  When I was younger, I used to think that my dad just liked to brag and show off.  But since then, my opinion has changed and what I used to chalk up to confidence, I now think was my dad’s good-natured optimism and a positive attitude through the many ups and downs of life. 

In the good times, my dad openly celebrated happy moments with anyone who would listen.  Some might’ve called it boasting, but I see it as my dad finding reasons to be positive and joyful about life.  I loved getting him presents for Christmases and birthdays because no matter what the present actually was, he always made me feel like I got him exactly that one present he wanted the most.  A few years ago, Karen and I bought him tickets to Wagner’s Ring cycle operas in Seattle.  There were 4 or 5 nights of operas over a week and every night he came home with stories about how great the show was. Karen and I could only afford one ticket to the shows, and not even in the best section of the opera house.  But my dad made us feel like he got the best present any guy could ever get.

Then about 2 years ago, Karen, Jenny, Tyler and I all pitched in to buy him his cat, Little Tiger.  My dad loved Little Tiger so much he bought the cat health insurance!  Dad also wanted to add a section into his will for Little Tiger, but in the end, he was too embarrassed to actually tell his lawyer.  My dad’s helper, Mister Sun, once asked him why he favored Little Tiger.  The other cats at my dad’s house all seemed smarter or better-looking than him.  My dad told Mister Sun that he would always love Little Tiger best because Little Tiger was a present from his kids.  I just felt great when I heard that.

When the bad times rolled around, my dad rejected the cloud and looked only for the silver lining.  Even while chemo and cancer took turns battering his body, every time I called and asked him how he was doing, his answer was always the same: "It’s not too bad.  Much better than before - I’ll be even better in a few days".  When he spoke with his doctor, no matter how dire things looked, he steered every conversation towards cures instead of treatments and focused on staying alive longer because if he could just hang on a little bit longer, maybe someone would find a cure that would work for him

His positive spirit extended beyond himself to include me and everyone in our family.  There is one example of that positive spirit that stands out in my mind.  In high school and college, I was a mediocre student and my grades and test scores were barely good enough to get me into the University of Maryland.  By comparison, my dad came from Taiwan on a scholarship to earn a PhD in physics from an Ivy League grad school.  Moreover, many of the kids of dad’s friends went to very prestigious schools like Stanford and Yale and Harvard.  At one point, my mom told me how sad she felt for my dad.  She told me that for an accomplished and proud man like my dad, it was very disappointing for his own child to be so much less successful than his friends’ kids.  I think maybe my mom was trying to stir something inside of me; to challenge me to do better.  Or maybe she was just venting some of her own frustrations about me.  Whatever the case, mom’s rebuke cut me deeply and I was left with a very low opinion of myself.  I felt like I was an embarrassing dirty, old station-wagon my parents were forced to drive around in, while their friends drove around in shiny brand-new Mercedes Benz’s and Cadillac’s.  I thought my parents must care less about me than they would if I was one of those better kids that went to one of those better schools.

My dad must have known I was feeling this way because we talked one day, just the two of us.  I don’t remember how the conversation started or ended or what it was even about.  But I remember one part very clearly.  He looked me in the eye and said, "You know when I went to Brown, I didn’t notice anything extra special or so great about it.  So you should know that to me, it doesn’t make any difference if you went to a fancier school or a less fancy school."  In that moment, I knew my dad was telling me not to feel bad or ashamed of myself, because he didn’t feel bad or ashamed of me.  He was telling me that, in the bigger picture, just being his son would always be enough for him to love me and to care about me.  By reaching out to me, my dad chose to try and fix my damaged sense of self-worth over his wounded pride or lost bragging rights.  His positive spirit would be large enough for both of us and having optimism for the days ahead was better than worrying about the past.  Nothing anyone has said before or since then has ever meant more to me.

After becoming a father myself, I definitely feel like I have a better understanding and appreciation for the life my dad provided for my sister and me.  As a father, every day you do a lot of little things you never get any credit for.  But you do them just the same because you love your children. 

Things like giving up bridge night with friends to spend more time with the family. 

Things like cleaning the tank for the pet turtles while your son is away at school and accidentally swallowing dirty turtle water. 

And things like trying to order presents online for your kids before Christmas because your wife, who normally handles the Christmas presents, is sick with a malignant brain tumor and lying in a hospital bed.

This past week I’ve felt a whirlwind of different emotions spinning around inside of me.  Part of my heart aches for my parents.  They worked so long and so hard to enjoy their retirement, only to pass away before getting that chance.  I feel jealous of people who will celebrate the holidays with their parents.  I don’t think they really understand how lucky they are, even if they claim that they do.

But more than all these feelings, when I think about my dad, I am filled to the brim with gratitude and love and admiration for him.

I feel lucky for all the small, private father-son moments we shared.  I'm thankful for the wonderful life he provided for our family.  And more than anything else, I'll be forever grateful to my dad for the example he set for me; showing me how to be a good man and a good family man.  So from the most sincere place in my heart, I can truthfully say that whatever feelings you might be feeling today, there is no reason to feel sorrow or pity for my sister or me. 

In our parents, Jenny and I have received far more than our fair share of love and support and guidance.  It’s true that this has been a difficult two years for us.  But focusing on these two years is focusing on the cloud.  The silver lining is thirty-plus years of wonderful parenting and friendship and my dad would be the first to point that out.  Thank you again.